“Falling in love is very real, but I used to shake my head when people talked about soul mates, poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a poetry book. Then, we met, and everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
It was no smooth journey. The main problem was distance, and thus, trust. Within a few weeks after we officially 'a thing' on July 2012, I had to move back home for an urgent matter. It was unexpected and caught us off guard. I thought I could finally have a normal relationship where my partner is in the same city as I am, but no, I couldn't. So it went on for the year, we've got no clue how long more would it be until we were finally back together in the same city, same timezone or even breathing the same air. Cliché, I know. But that's how I truly felt.
Then the decision came up: I had the opportunity to go to London to study what I really wanted: Fashion. It wasn't just fashion, but fashion styling. Creative director, to be exact. The offer just came under my nose in a flash, I had to just say yes because it was my longtime dream. This was around early 2013. Long story short, it was further distance expanded between us then.
I officially moved to London around Oct 2013. Eventhough I fall in love with this city instantly, I hesitantly agreed to those cheesy quotes: "Love is when you wish to spend memories and moments with your other half." Everything I do was fun because it was the start of adapting, discovering and exploring, but I felt empty. I was all alone back then, I know no one except for a long-time friend of mine, but we don't meet that often. I became dependant on facetime and line 24/7 except when I'm sleeping, even though I know he was 7 hours ahead of me. I'd sleep when he's awake, and vice versa. Weekends hangouts and rituals turned into insecurity, just because we were worried. We refused to
stop each other from that late-night-outs with friends because we realise it's weekends anyways and we were supposed to have fun and enjoy the night away. More often it ended up to be a silent disappointment and the next day wasted to avoid talking.
It was not a walk in the park. Other issues also burdened our relationship, but we managed to settle and dealt with them. An achievement, it is, considering me used to be the most stubborn girlfriend in the whole relationship world, I suppose. I used to be that girlfriend who would make all the decisions. That girlfriend who would be mad if it didn't go the way she wanted it to be. That girlfriend who was careless of whatever the boyfriend had to say. I was all that nightmare girlfriend type until I met him. Kudos, he made me change my bad habits. He made me want to be a better person for him. Moreover, I am gladly to be willing to do all of this.. (Although, I still hold on to my gut insting, though. I'm a Scorpio, afterall ;) )
If it is not love, I don't know what that is..
Lately I've been hearing all of these break-ups story. Whenever I hear these kind of stories, I got a heartbreak. Not only because I know how happy they were whenever they were talking about the other half, but because I find it ironic why people can say the breakup words so easily! *touchwood*
In my case, whenever my bf and I have an argument, no matter how big it is, we always ended up talking it out. It might takes a bit of time since we both have our own ways of handling things (i.e I tend to blow up like a grenade whilst him prefer to be left alone..) but by sharing what we personally feel help to settle the matter faster. Maybe your partner won't take your thoughts and feeling instantly but at least they became aware of it and acknowledge it. And take it from the expert, trust me, communication is the key. Sharing your partial ramble on social media is rubbish and useless. Not only it can do damage but also it is unfair. Share it with your partner, not an object. Your life is yours, not the public, the same goes to your relationship.
I learnt that in a relationship, specifically, long distance relationship, communication is the key. Without communication, trust can't be built and basically, that is the core for a long lasting relationship. I'm no expert at all this, I still have to learn and although we have been together for almost 3 years now and pretty much wayyyyy too comfortable with each other, I always find it hard to part after we meet. Someone once said to me, she couldn't function without her partner because she's just not used to not have him around her. Heck, she didn't even remember when was the last time she was sleeping alone. Crazy? Baby, I know how exactly that feels. Especially when your bed is so big it can sleep three people in it.
Often I find people get surprised that we could stay in LDR for so long now. Even though we literally live three-hours train ride away from each other now, I still miss him. I still demand his presence every single day by my side. Demanding much? No. It's just natural love behaviour. ;)
Honestly I just can't wait the day we can be in the same place together again..
For good.
xo,
N
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