Sometimes I'm convinced that at this stage of my life, I still don't know what I want.
As in, I don't know what permanent job I'll do in the future. How much effort and sacrifice will I be willing to pour my energy and passion into, to afford the future life? I mean, I love styling, don't get me wrong now, but for some unexplainable reason, my guts keep on nudging me whenever I'm frustrated in preparing editorials after editorials.. "You are so not going to sacrifice your personal life for this." - I mean, I'm a scorpio; we go with guts, see. And the wise guts bugs sometimes.
I'm not very keen in discussing this with anyone because like it or not, they're going to start making their own judgement. Yes, I've been indecisive regarding my education major and my future permanent actual career. Yes, I love fashion styling. Yes, I like learning new things. Yes, I love the satisfaction of producing my own work of sweat and tears. And no, I'm not complaining.
(Whatever is on my mind that make me type this post up is not going to be spilled. Simply because I'm just not ready for anyone's opinion - or rather I just don't want to hear it. )
Time to time I thought of quitting. Quitting doesn't mean deciding to be homeless, nor jobless. Quitting in this case means going to the real world and just be face the reality. I'm always an adrenaline junkie, but these days I realise I lack in any challenges and kicks. I think I kept it too low for too long now. Yeah university is fun and studying is definitely puts me in a safer situation, but I just don't feel the motivation anymore? I'm becoming fed up with keeping up good grades and stressing out over assignment deadlines. I know real job doesn't mean I have no more of these, but even more worse case of being that IT'S REAL.
Some friends I talked to were envious of my situation of studying, lectures, projects, assignments, etc, etc. They feel like they couldn't keep up with the work life and would do anything to trade to go back to uni. Trade with me will you!? I mean, maybe you would want to be students once again because back then you don't need to worry about supporting yourself and growing up, now that it is different. Not saying that this is the case of EVERYONE, but SOME. Again, at this stage of my life I still feel like I'm nowhere. And you are somewhere. How annoying it is for me to admit that I am still clueless whereas you have a job and facing real customers or clients or partners or whoever?
Ugh, maybe I'm just really uninspired and becoming boring lately. INSPIRE ME, SPRING!!!
A friend of mine said this to kid me not - maybe just get married, have ten kids and live happily ever after. Ha! :P
xo,
N
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